Masturbation: Up to No Good (cf Persona Humana, element 9)
Since completing RCIA in 1991, it has progressively become my observation that one of several areas in which the Church in the United States has, for the most part, failed, and failed grotesquely, is in providing what has been termed by the John Paul II and the Magisterium as permanent education in chastity (cf Familiaris Consortio, element 33). One issue for which there has been a deafening silence in particular is the subject of masturbation. This, in spite of the Magisterium’s unequivocal clarity on the gravity of such acts (Catechism of the Catholic Church, element 2352). I have personally seen how even those in the pro-life movement, which depends heavily on society and the people of the Church developing a proper respect for the sanctity of a properly expressed human sexuality (Catechism of the Catholic Church, elements 2348-2349), respond with uncomfortable silence in the few times over the years in which I’ve mentioned that a more candid instruction for and among people of all ages needs to occur in helping them battle and conquer this temptation and habit. I’m not referring to the graphic, lewd discussions that have apparently been encouraged in (of all places) seminaries and catholic K-12 schools. I’m talking about properly equipping spouses, parents, single people and pastors (who also may need to constantly battle this as well) with the spiritual and intellectual (however that can be appropriately and licitly defined and developed) tools necessary in helping each and every individual successfully battle such temptations and habits themselves, and within their families and congregations. I suppose some Dioceses (probably those with little or no dissent with Magisterial teachings and directives on other matters as well) might have some resources as part of an overall program attempting to implement what was envisioned in element 33 of Familiaris Consortio, but they are probably few and far between, and not that well advertised. Instead, people of all ages are, for the most part, left with two very discouraging, I dare say damnable, choices:
Based on the cavalier attitude that has been taken toward the Church’s teachings on this subject, within "sex education" programs and even within seminaries, it should be no surprise that the Church, family life, and the spiritual health of Her children are, to a large extent, in the grotesque state that they are at the moment. Indeed, the present (2002) sex abuse scandals involving clergy and other church officials are merely symptoms and outgrowths of the failure of individuals---both clergy and laity---to foster an appropriate and permanent "education in chastity." Once again, it more or less goes to show that the Magisterium of the Pastors of the Church [the only true and Certain ‘expert in humanity (cf Sollicitudo rei Socialis, element 41)], as it has been with so many timeless as well as contemporary issues, was correct in defining the true roots of the vocations crisis, namely, that celibacy cannot be valued without a high value for properly expressed sexuality (ie, chaste behavior and attitudes) in general (cf Sacerdotalis Caelibatus, element 49; Familiaris Consortio, element 16).
The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship……Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor
Let me try to give some support to the above statement by telling a bit of my story. First of all, let me say that, not having been a so-called "cradle Catholic," and having been a part of a more "mainstream" (ie, non-"fundamentalist") denomination (the ELCA branch of the Lutheran Church), I knew nothing of the ageless teachings on the grave nature of masturbation. My parents were understanding of the fact that all boys when growing up must deal with this issue as far as not making an addictive habit of such a practice (in other words, basically outgrow it as best as possible); nevertheless, they in no way instilled in me any sense of guilt (healthy, unhealthy, or otherwise) over such a practice. Nevertheless, as I grew up, I nevertheless had the inward sense, somehow, that such "auto-eroticism" or manual stimulation could not possibly be completely moral, since the purpose of such stimulation and its conclusion (note how I’m trying to mince descriptions here) was supposed to be within the context of a chaste, monogamous relationship for unitive and procreative purposes. Without knowing anything more about the teachings of the Church on this subject, somehow, the law written into us by God was nevertheless speaking to me, in a small, quiet voice, the Truth (cf Romans 1:18-2:16) that the Church has always taught about this and other subjects.
I suppose a major milestone for me began just after my Sophomore year in High School. All of a sudden, I sensed how close to graduation and "adulthood" (at least as I defined it) I was getting, and how "immature" I felt because of the "habit" that seemed to get the best of me far too often. Beginning that summer between my Sophomore and Junior years, and as part of what I’ll call a "major moment of mercy" provided by no one less than our Merciful Father in Heaven, I was fortunate to receive some help in the form of the friends I began to make as part of the Youth Group at the Lutheran Church my family attended. The opportunities to become more involved in different activities, as well as develop newer, additional interests, were invaluable in helping me occupy my thoughts with things that involved more than just me. For whatever reason, the frequency of masturbation "episodes" decreased dramatically thereafter.
Another milestone occurred just after High School graduation when I left for Texas A&M. Being that I’d be living on-campus in a dorm, I for sure felt that such immature acts such as masturbation were just that---highly immature, not to mention offensive to be doing such a thing (and dealing with the "residuals") around a bunch of other guys in relatively close quarters. Given the rigorous course of studies and the opportunity to always be involved in some aspect of life in Aggieland, I was blessed with a well-used chance to, for all intents and purposes, avoid such a practice entirely while actually there. Nevertheless, the practice was never entirely eliminated, and I still found myself occasionally engaging in such acts when away from school, primarily during summer break. Therefore, the door was left open to continue to engage in such acts after I finally graduated, and thereafter was by myself for longer periods of time than previously.
Enter, then, the next stage of the story. Call this another "major moment of mercy." The Lutheran congregation I was a part of was not really large enough for, and the area served by the church did not have the favorable demographics to support, any kind of young adults group. I was feeling quite frustrated at not being able to be around more people my age (20’s and early 30’s). Toward the end of summer in 1990, I had reached a point where I felt that I definitely needed to make some changes. I felt that the best chance I had of finding such a young adults group was in a large congregation of one of the larger denominations. There were only a few denominations that I felt I could really "trust" as far as what they taught in the way of "faith and morals" (for lack of a better description). I had always felt comfortable around the Catholic liturgy (being quite close to that of the Lutheran liturgy), and Catholic functions in general. I had also always respected what the Popes had to say, and in fact was a volunteer usher at the 1987 Mass conducted by John Paul II in 1987 at Westover Hills (since being Catholic was not regarded as a pre-requisite when the Archdiocese of San Antonio issued an invitation for volunteers). So, in September, 1990, I found myself at St. Matthews, which at that time had one of the more dynamic Young Adults groups in the Archdiocese. Little did I know, but St. Matthews also was the largest and most dynamic Catholic congregation in San Antonio at that time (my qualification of that statement is another somewhat sad story in and of itself, in view of what's gone on there since 1997).
It just so happened that my arrival there was just one day before inquiry sessions for RCIA were to begin. I figured it may be as good a time as any to check it all out. Between my liking what I saw and heard beginning with the inquiry classes for RCIA, combined with my finding myself immediately at home in the Young Adults group, I found myself, only 7 months later, proceeding to Confirmation at the 1991 Easter Vigil. A place where I felt I belonged, as well as opportunities to better "lose myself in order to find myself" (cf Luke 17:33) as part of developing friendships with other people my age as well as people of other ages elsewhere in the St. Matthew’s church community, were invaluable in filling many voids that were previously being filled imperfectly through other means (the occasional masturbation episode being one of them). Consequently, God, for whatever reason, gave me what I consider to be a special grace so that, for nearly two years, the "force" of the habit of masturbation was virtually non-existent. I am literally thankful to God for this special period of grace (cf Isaiah 61:1-2), just as I was becoming aware, for the first time, of what I had intuitively always known (cf Romans 1:18-2:16): Masturbation, as revealed by God through the Church (cf Matthew 16:7), is an act that is literally up to no good (cf Catechism of the Catholic Church, element 2352). With this also came a sense of peace knowing that it was actually okay to have felt how I did over the years w/r to a desire to "grow up" from and out of such a habit. I was also happy to have available the Sacrament of Reconciliation, in order to honestly evaluate (via the good old "examination of conscience") and thereafter confess and deal with any and ALL of my various cowardices, idolatries, and resultant failures to love God completely (cf 1 John 4:18, Deuteronomy 6:5, John 4:21-24)---otherwise known as sins (or crimes against the Kingdom of Heaven)---in all aspects of my life.
Little did I know, nevertheless, how difficult I would actually make it for myself in making an honest confession as well as an honest effort toward living up to a firm purpose of amendment w/r masturbation once the special period of grace ended. I’ve been speculating to this day as to the reason for the end of this grace period, outside of the obvious reasons (my own sinful attitudes, nature and failures). Culpability for the initial instance was perhaps not completely mine, given an increased level of stress that no doubt had accumulated at work around that time(cf Persona Humana, element 9); nevertheless, by taking an evasive, crooked, nearly three-year path before succinctly describing, in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, the moral "lapses" that followed (and at somewhat unexpected times seemingly), I was essentially punishing myself. In doing so, I can’t even begin to imagine the (literal) loss of the grace that otherwise would have been there in enabling me to develop, beyond where they had been developed, personal and corporate relationships with other people in serving God through serving others. Although I continued to get further involved in different various aspects of Church life, I keep thinking back at how much more I could have possibly done had my intellect and heart not been darkened to whatever extent it was as a result of the "lapses" that I chose to fall into. In other words, once again, my experiences, I feel, were a confirmation of what the Catechism of the Catholic Church states in elements 2347-2349. I can therefore also pretty much vouch for what has been said at Fatima w/r sexual sins being the ones that ensnare the most people.
I guess one valuable "lesson" that I have learned in all this is that "masturbation," as defined by the Church, is not just the manual stimulation of the genitals resulting in ejaculation, but it also includes ANY intentional stimulation---with or without ejaculation, be it through fantasization or through visual images. Indeed, I learned just how dangerous it is to simply do this, and how it can, more often than not, lead to "completion" (I think you can figure out what I’m saying), no matter how unintentional. I've never been one to buy or look at porno magazines or buy/rent porno movies. Unfortunately, with the advent of numerous movie channels on TV, a new-found snare awaited me, just as I was attempting to return to the blissful state of seeming grace/innocence that existed for nearly two years after I arrived at St. Matthew’s. Just as I was finally able to succinctly "name my sin" in the confessional, I all of a sudden found myself, during "channel-surfing" late at night, beginning to stop by and linger at movies on HBO and Showtime (or the real "sophisticated" ones, such as Red Shoe Diaries, Compromising Situations and the like) just as various acts of copulation, usually adultery or fornication (they very rarely show acts of monogamy) were being shown. Since most of those movies tend to emphasize scenes of the woman, it was too much of a temptation to gaze at the beauty of God’s creation (the woman). Even more distressing was to fall into this snare while surfing between something on EWTN and, for example, the History Channel.
Instead of acknowledging that I was perilously close at that point engaging in, at best, a near occasion of sin, and thereafter immediately changing the channel, I would at times linger. In addition to the obvious sin of visual stimulation, I was also committing the sin of presumption, because I at times had the notion that I could continue to watch without losing "control," so to speak. Unfortunately, this was when I came to realize why the Church defines "masturbation" as more than manual stimulation leading to ejaculation. Needless to say, I found myself, for about three years after that, ensnaring myself into a sin of presumption, only to find out that this was a fatal, not to mention embarrassing, line of thought. There were numerous times where my arousal was so great that the visual stimulation alone was sufficient in bringing an "end result" that was most embarrassing for having occurred right there in the living room in my pants. Even more distressing about that was that "soiling" my pants in this manner was something I hadn’t committed or experienced since I was about 12 years old. The embarrassment alone served as a major deterrent, to repeating such a scenario, for some time thereafter; nevertheless, although I was able to be much more honest in the confessional about my crime than I was initially, and seemingly honest in a desire to avoid such crimes in the future, I found just how easy it was to fall back into scenarios that could only be prevented by avoiding even such near occasions of sin. In my case, this included avoiding certain portions of the Dish Network or local cable selections at least at certain times of the day.
In any event, take this message from someone who has been to hell and back w/r masturbation:
"It" is one thing that is literally "up" to no good, and in the worst way (cf Persona Humana, element 9). It is idolatry. Idolatry is not a love of God "in spirit and in truth." If idolatry is not a serious, grave, mortal sin, then there actually is no such thing. Go figure. In any event, "it" cannot be characterized in any way as love for your fellow brothers and sisters. "It" most certainly is not the covenant love expressed between husband and wife. Aloofness toward others and hence God in some way can all to easily lead to "doing it," and "doing it" in turn, as well as being dishonest about its counterproductive end, can lead to a further tendency toward aloofness toward others and toward God. "It" invariably is an infinitely inferior attempt at filling a void that can only be filled by receiving, sharing and doing those things that are "right" and "good." And, in order to avoid "it," even the near occasions of sin, and the situations leading to such, must be avoided (cf 1 Peter 5:8).
Above all, should all these efforts, at avoiding near occasions of sin, and the situations leading to them, still fail, being honest about your crimes in the "Tribunal of Mercy" is absolutely essential. Just as essential in that case is finding a confessor that adheres to the teachings of the Church on this subject. Don’t settle for anything less.
In any event, in spite of the graphic nature of parts of this discussion, I hope these final observations and words of advice that are supported by the preceding text are helpful in at least some small way.
For further guidance on how to overcome the habit of masturbation, please check out the page at the Courage website: Overcoming the Masturbation Habit|
Joseph of Nazareth |Founts of Wisdom |Pure San Antonio| Human Ecology|